Posted in Stories and Poems

A Letter From Your English Teacher

I have only one thing to say to thee, thou must learn the art of porper puntcuatoin, and grammar skilis. From who” thou asketh; It’s me πŸ™‚. 

Dear students,

It was good to hear from you, thanks for writing to me you totally did not write to me but okay πŸ™‚. I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and spirits, as is the most boring way to start any letter, as any experienced English teacher cough me cough cough might tell you.

I am writing this letter because there is something that struck my pensive mind the other day when I was gazing passively at the stars, reminiscing the golden years I spent as a youth, and as I pondered about the wonderous aspects of life as we see it now, I realized that I might as well share my advanced knowledge to delinquent students, such as yourselves.

And I don’t mean to offend you in any possible way, no, not at all…πŸ˜‡. I’m merely concerned about the fact that what if something were to happen to me this day? Or say tomorrow or the day after that? Who would tell you about the impeccably invaluable things that your misbehaved minds must know at such a tender age?

Now, I won’t bore you with details, and get straight to the point, because in the words of the remarkable Miles Davis-

I suppose it must be quite clear to you that I’m not the person who likes wasting time. That is why when I was correcting your hastily scribbled English papers I got infuriated because that is exactly what I felt I was enduring- time waste. Ahem, you see, your English papers were quite…well, let’s just say that they were…something.

*deep breath* Okay, here goes-

From misspelling “receive” as “recieve”, to using “thought” after “didn’t”, the number of errors in the grammar of the papers was devastating 🀯! I was quite positively alarmed at the absurdity of the blunders you dared to make! Seriously, have I not taught you anything?! Have all these years of teaching you that the word “despite” does not require an “of” been a mere waste of my precious time 😡?! I mean, how hard is it to remember that “year” only has one syllable, and not two!? And why, why would you think that when Bassanio was talking about the golden fleece, he was actually referring to the fleece, when the fleece was just a metaphor for the uNiMaGiNaBlE bEaUtY oF pOrTiA!?

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

I am so angry! I have never met a batch of students so utterly thoughtless and imbecile! Not to mention, the number of pupils who put a comma after “nevertheless” was enough to give me an existential crisis! If only my subject was that easy! Do you even know the basic concepts of English!? Because at this point, I am sure you cannot even spell common words like “sesquipedalian”, which for your kind information, means “relating to long words” πŸ™„. The juniors did so much better than you (they did worse actually, but you don’t need to know that). But you won’t study because you think my subject is oh-so-easy. Well if it’s that easy, try answering this ☺!

I’m sure your puny little brains can’t answer that. Do you know why? BECAUSE IT IS NEITHER YES NOR NO 😩! It is the third, secret option, you daft fools! You are too busy thinking about gravity and circles and winds and X and Y chromosomes and anything related to any subject but mine to be able to use your brain in logical matters for significant questions like THIS!

Absurdly ludicrous! Outrageously preposterous! Incredibly insane! Never have I felt the curse so strongly upon the Jewish nation! I am so disappointed in you that I cannot even-

*deep breaths* I’m trying to calm down now.

Well, I’m not so sure this much amount of vexation is good for my blood pressure. So I might as well get to the point of what I wanted to tell you through this letter right away, which is none other than…

YOU’RE FAILING!😑

Yours exasperatedly,
Mrs. Adverb,
Your English Teacher,
From a room in Portia’s house in Belmont.


Well, that was fun to write, hehe.

Check out my other post: A Letter from Your Maths Teacher.

That one was quite a hit, all credits to Akshita’s post- A Letter from Algebra. And so, I decided to do a similar one, and here we are. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if you liked it. Do check out Akshita’s post, it was hilarious!

Author:

Welcome to my site where I talk about all things bookish and from time to time, put my writing skills to test.

80 thoughts on “A Letter From Your English Teacher

  1. DamnnnnπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    This was sooo good and truee! I always correct my friends’ grammar and literature and its tiring. One more spelling was tomorrow.
    And ugh everypne messes with the usage of though and although. I relate to this fictional eng teacher on an atomic levelπŸ˜‚

    Ammmaazzing post mistress appleπŸ˜‚
    And thanks for the honourable mentionπŸ˜‡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I do that too, but I think my friends get tired of me 🀣.
      Good to know you relate. Also the usage of despite and inspire of…tbh who can blame them, English is very confusing πŸ˜‚.
      Thanks a lot, lah!! And my pleasure. πŸ˜ƒ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah ok. I’ll just tell you here what I said there. me and ashmita probably won’t be part of any group, but i think rayna will definitely create one so I’ll tell her to add sth from your side too. That works?Β 

        Liked by 1 person

  2. YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE MY ENGLISH TEACHERR😭😭😭she said that we were the most hopeless batch she had ever met in her life, and to be honest I don’t disagree with herπŸ˜‚
    I LOVED this post and I was laughing reading every line :)))

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I remember my english teacher now. She cut my marks in the very latest paper, because I drew ‘S’ quite inappropriate. I was verbally shocked and even expressed my emotions in what I am ashamed to say, the least extent of words. If your english teacher happens to pass by this letter, or if you accidently happen to send her , she will be by far more impressed,
    But at the same time,
    she will never be biased.
    ~Kunjal
    ( returining back to my lingo: Damn this post was so cool!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One of my teachers once cut the marks of my friend coz the writing was “illegible”. My friend was so mad that day πŸ˜‚.
      Because the paper was so long in itself that the fact that we managed to finish it was a big thing in itself.
      I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna send this to my teacher, who knows, it would either annoy the hell outta her or become her next favourite thing, why take the risk πŸ˜†.
      Thanks a lot, Kunjal!! 😁

      Like

  4. Alright
    This was sooo freaking goooodddd
    Pehle letter frm maths teacher , now English ….. I was laughing sooo hard 🀣
    And now i do understand ur Shakespeare references 😎😎

    Liked by 1 person

  5. he wasΒ actuallyΒ referring to the fleece, when the fleece was just a metaphor for the uNiMaGiNaBlE bEaUtY oF pOrTiA!?
    Dude , he was mentioning about her sunny locks when he gave a reference of fleece. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Right! So-
        Will it be “Thou will hate” or “Thee will hate”?
        Ahem… I DoN’T kNoW hOw It WorKs, OkaY? (´。_。`)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Why do you keep calling me out with posts like this? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I agree with everything, Ms. English Teacher! Obviously, it is a tragedy that your students do not have intricate knowledge of The Merchant of Venice 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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