Posted in Stories and Poems

To miss you…

When someone leaves you, it doesn’t hit you the way you would expect.

For instance, it doesn’t hit you when you find yourself sleeping alone for the first time in days. It hits you when you realize that you’ve started to feel familiar with the way you close your eyes to pretend that the room isn’t dark and hold on to your blanket as if you need to know someone is there.Β 

It doesn’t hit you when you realize that you have to clean your room on your own now that they’re gone. It hits you when you realize that you’ve been doing it for so long now that it feels like the new normal.

It doesn’t hit you when you see that the room is devoid of their smiling face. It hits you when you realize that something just feels off in a way you can’t put your finger on.

It doesn’t hit you when you wonder if you’re ever going to have late-night talks with them again. It hits you when you realize that the miserable quiet of the night seems almost sweet in a painful way.

It doesn’t hit you when you talk to them after days and realize how ordinary it feels. It hits you when you realize that you don’t want to talk to them at all because it’s so much easier not to think about them.

Missing someone doesn’t come all of sudden. It comes slowly. Like the bittersweet transition of summer into autumn. It comes to you just when you think you had learned how to live without that person.

Until you realize that you can’t.

~Nehal


I think this is fiction, yeah πŸ˜—. Hope you enjoyed it!

Posted in Stories and Poems

Broken

I feel a little empty inside,
A little dejected.
I feel like a cloud has swallowed me,
A cloud that is grey,
And dark.
And I don’t know what to do to about it.

I feel a little empty inside,
A little dejected.
I involve myself in my favorite things,
But don’t take part in them.
I want to,
But I can’t.
And I don’t know what to do about it.

I feel a little empty inside,
A little dejected.
I feel like the world is moving on,
And I’m just drifting along with it,
Alone and lost,
Not knowing or caring where I’m going.
And I don’t know what to do about it.

I feel a little empty inside,
A little dejected.
As if I’ve lost the meaning,
Of everything that once meant the world to me.
I feel passive, inactive.
And so tired.
And I don’t know what to do about it.

I feel a little empty inside,
A little dejected.
And I don’t know what to do about it,
And I am not sure if I want to,
Not sure if I can.

I feel like I’m broken.

~Nehal


Don’t worry, ’tis fiction. Hope you liked reading it, a bit intense though it was.

Ps– A very very happy badday to Kripaa @ Dream Diaries! Hope you have the awesomest day, lah!! πŸ˜ƒπŸŽ‰ And send me a slice of the cake too 🀩.

Posted in Stories and Poems

A Monotonous Exam

I tap the back of the pen against my forehead,
And glance over to the clock.
The boredom and tension of the room is palpable,
Every student is looking around,
Hoping for something even mildly interesting to happen.
I lean back on my chair,
My feet start tapping on the ground,
I hastily scribble a line of Simon Commission,
Marvelling that highlighting points did help after all.
I lean further back and the chair’s front legs get lifted from the floor,
I think hard and another line comes to my head,
But just as I’m about to write,
I realize that I’ve pushed the chair too far,
And the next thing I know the air is knocked out of me,
And BAM!
I hit the floor,
The thud of the fall snapped kids to attention.
A round of muffled laughter erupts from the classroom,
Everyone glad for the distraction,
I get up, slightly flushed, and sit back down,
Surprisingly finding myself fighting a smile.
The teacher bangs her duster on the table,
Demanding β€œpin-drop silence”.
In just a moment, the glee is gone,
And a hush falls over the class,
As everybody starts wracking their brain for non-elusive answers,
Slipping once again into the surrealism of the exam.

~Nehal


Credits for the prompt go to Tiction @ Fictionally Crazy! Thanks, lah πŸ˜ƒ. So, I wrote this without giving too much thought, and it turned out fine. It would have been much better as a short story, I guess, but I am too lazy to change it now. I’m just mostly glad that there’s still a part of me that can write poems and stories that aren’t all sad πŸ˜‚. I hope you liked it!!


Posted in Stories and Poems

Dear Idiot…

You’re the idiot,
The idiot who made me believe in love because of that post you wrote,
The idiot who made me feel less scared of the word “pagal”,
Because you used to call me that and I never minded anymore,
The idiot who pranked about your freaking death,
And now I’m forever scarred because I still think you’ve only got an year left.

You’re the idiot who managed to raise my self-esteem about what I write,
By praising everything I wrote, be it horrible.
You’re the idiot who made me lose one and a half hours of precious time before an exam,
‘Coz I was too busy freaking out about your body apparently rejecting a “bone marrow transplant”,
And yeah, I would never believe you if you say you’re dying again.

You’re the idiot who is my most annoying friend,
‘Coz you keep saying sorry when you’re unable to talk.
You’re the idiot whom I hate,
‘Coz you never picked up my calls just ‘coz you thought it’ll be weird.
You’re the idiot, the only one whose ever written a poem for me,
Do you know I’ve read it so many times now that I’ve practically got it memorized?

You’re one of those friends of mine that I am proud of,
For being able to get out of her negative thoughts last year,
The one person who still manages to see the good in the world.
Whatever’s bothering you, you’ll get out of it, you know it too.
I mean, you can’t stay sad for too long when you’ve got me now, can you?

So whatever this is, between us, I hope it’s forever.
I know I once wrote I’m scared about being tied to people,
But I’m not scared to imagine good things for our friendship.
We were each other’s support when our other friend once went away,
Now that she’s back, we’ve got lots more memories to make. The three of us.
And just so you know, you can’t be more pleased than I am,
For being the first one to write you a poem.

But if you prank your own death again,
Dude, I will make sure you are dead before the “one year” you’ve got left πŸ™‚.


Dedicated to an idiot friend of mine, who apparently thinks it’s funny to pretend they have bone marrow disease and will die in an year πŸ˜‘. I’m never forgiving her for that. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the poem. And she did too. I’m cringing so bad right now even though I’m the one who wrote this.

Posted in Stories and Poems

Just hold on…

I know it hurts right now,
I know that you feel like you’re in a desert,
Full of winds,
That blow without any direction,
Lost.
I know yesterday was hard,
And today is harder.
And I’m not even saying that
Everything will be a-okay, tomorrow.

Because life is hard,
And I know that I’ll never know what you’re going through,
Even though I’m here for you always, I know you feel alone.
And I am not saying it is worth living,
All I’m saying is that whatever it is you’re going through,
It’s not worth giving up.

Don’t you remember the time when you shed that tear
For Brendan and Cameron’s first kiss?
Remember the time your day got better,
When your favorite band released their latest song?
Remember the time you had late night talks with her,
And she made you laugh like nobody did?
Remember the time you first got nominated for a blogger award,
And you nominated like a gazillion people to share the joy?
Remember the time when you got a hundred followers?
When you created your own weekly tag?
When I told you your poems inspire me?
When you held a certificate in your hand when your poem got published?
Remember all that?

Remember the times you cherished the smell of a new book,
The feel of it in your hands,
The inward sigh you released when you turned the last page?
Don’t you want to feel it again?
These are precious moments,
Cherish them the same way you despise the bad ones,
And just hold on.
I know it’s hard, and I know you hate me for making you do this,
But just hold on a little while longer,
Just hold on, okay?

So wait a little longer, friend,
To see life become colorful again.
To see plants outside your window,
Bloom again.
Wait a little longer,
And you’ll be better. Soon.
And if not, I’m always here,
To make your life a little more intolerable,
With my weird emojis, and sad poems.
I know I’m miles away,
But I’m also just one call away.

So hold on a little longer,
For me, for you.
I’m here,
I’ll try to make it easier,
I know it doesn’t feel okay right now,
But it’ll be okay.
Soon.
Till then, hold on.


Dedicated to a friend. And to anyone who is having a bad day.

Posted in Stories and Poems

Shh, don’t say it…

Don’t tell me how much you love me,
Don’t tell me how much you care
Don’t tell me about the tears you shed,
Or how lonely you felt when I wasn’t there.

Don’t tell me any of this
For I know that I can hurt you,
Know that there is a chance one of us might walk away,
And know deep down it will be who.

Don’t tell me any of this,
For I will try every second to live up to your love,
I will try every second to believe,
In something I know you don’t deserve.

Don’t tell me any of this,
For I’ll overthink every moment of us,
And even though I know I love you too,
I will worry that I might never be enough.

Don’t tell me any of this,
For I am scared that I will shatter you,
I am scared of commitment,
And I am scared of what this fear of mine might lead to.

Don’t tell me any of this at all,
Not now, and not ever,
For I am just trying to live in the moment,
When you are having dreams of forever.

So don’t tell me how much you love me,
And don’t ever tell me how much you care,
For I am too much of a coward,
And I’ll just end up walking away.

~Nehal


Posted in Stories and Poems

Light me up

I was the butterfly that you trapped,
I was the hope that you shattered,
I was the light that could not be quenched,
I was the dream that always mattered.

But you broke me down,
And ripped out my heart.
Now with this burning rage,
I’ll tear you apart.

With hate as my servant,
Pain will thrive.
With misery as my weapon,
My wrath will come alive.

I’m the nightmare you never had,
I’m the darkness you never faced,
I’m the despair you never felt,
And I’m the agony that cannot be chased.

I’ll be the poison in your throat,
The water in your eyes,
I’ll be the blood in your wounds,
I’ll be your fear to survive.

So strike a match,
Light me on fire.
Watch me burn,
For it’s you that I come to devour.

~Nehal


Posted in Stories and Poems

Moved on…

I look into the mirror
At the dark eyes of the girl who stares back,
The same girl who had cried herself to sleep last night,
The same girl whose brows had been furrowed the whole time,
The same girl who had felt rejected and dejected.

But now her eyes are shining,
They are glowing,
Radiating power and confidence,
The same eyes that had deflated yesterday,
At the thought of another day,
Are now aglow with mischief and anticipation,
Of the day ahead.

She had felt lonely yesterday,
But now,
Now she feels like she owns the world,
Just because she had allowed herself to believe in it.
Just because she had dared to see the good in it,
After having realized that seeing the bad wasn’t worth it.

Yes, yesterday had been hard,
Yes, yesterday had been cruel.
But I have moved on.
And today,
Today is in my hands.
And I am greeting it with open arms.

~Nehal


For all those who are having a bad day, just know that life is cruel. And you have every right to be sad, angry and hopeless. But also know, that there is always hope. And unless you let yourself have hope for a better day, unless you believe that things will get better, they never will. Your happiness is in your hands.

Posted in Stories and Poems

It hurts…

You know why it hurts so much?

Because it was you who easily made me laugh when it was too hard even to smile. It was you who squeezed my hand to tell me that you were there with me when I needed you. It was you who pulled me close when I tried to push you away. It was you who smiled lovingly at me when I was too ashamed to even look at myself. It was you who was there with me through my darkest nights and my brightest days. It was you who made me realize that there may be a chance that I can be free of my burdens, by sharing them with you, that I can open up to you, that I don’t need to hide the real me anymore.

But when I did, it slowly took you away from me, like the petals of a flower in a slight breeze. Ever-so slowly. You didn’t realize that until you were too far away to come back. And when you did, it didn’t matter that much to you. But it did to me. For I had been let down in the worst way possible. I had been let down after giving a chance to love. After believing, for the first time. Only to be proven wrong.

And that’s why it hurts.

~Nehal


Yeah, I know, it isn’t that great. But well. Also, even though this is fiction, I don’t think my dad would approve of another sad story I wrote, so shh 🀫.

Posted in Stories and Poems

The Cold Wait

He knows we can’t take it anymore,
And yet, he’s still torturing us.
When he speaks again, his words cut deep into my flesh,
Sending a jolt through my heart,
As my head is snapped to attention.
A cold smile lingers on his face,
As he contemplates his next victim,
His eyes roam hungrily over us all,
Trying to locate the weakest.
I shift in my seat,
Dread seeping through every pore of my body,
I can feel the waves of collective terror,
Radiating from each of us,
As we inwardly pray,
To be spared from his wrath.
And just when it gets hard to breathe,
He says my name,
A smug look flashing across his face,
At the terror in my eyes.
I swallow hard, knowing the worst has come,
Wishing so badly for it to be a dream.
I rise slowly,
Trembling from head to foot,
As my teacher asks me to answer his next question.

~Nehal