The lights are out. The house is eerily quiet. Not even Shanky’s usual barking can be heard. It’s like I can almost feel the waves of melancholy drifting from you just by standing out here. How you must be lying alone, unable to sleep because your mind is probably a tangled mess, your hand cold without mine in it.
I can walk to the porch and knock at your door. I can break down in front of you and beg you to take me back. And then I can fall into your open arms as you hold me tight, and whisper that you’ll never let go. I can do it. One step, just one word from me and you’ll be there. Just like you always were.
A sad smile forms on my lips. There is this desperate urge to have you back. Not hunger, just…need. Yet I know I won’t do it. Not now, and not ever again, for I know how this will end. With us in tears. With me letting go. Again.
I see the flicker of a tiny light in your room. Did you somehow know I must be there? I hastily turn on the ignition right as you open the doorway. I don’t have the guts to catch your eyes. I don’t think I can stand to see the broken look in them again. Heart thumping, I steer the car to my home.
We decided it’s for the best,
We decided it’s been a long time coming.
I turn the key of my house, and stand alone at the door. I imagine your bright smile, your twinkling eyes when you used to welcome me home, how you would go on and on about your day.
I try not to hold on to these whispers of the past. To your smile, your lips, your everything. It’s for the best, I remind myself.
It is, right?
For when I fell for you, I fell hard.
I jumped without thinking, without knowing, without caring. I ran blindly into the wild, thinking it was wrong and dangerous yet never daring to go back. But then the trees gave way to a lake filled with lilies and roses and I saw no reason to hold back. It was bliss like I had never known, it was love in its purest form.
But now the lake has turned into an ocean of unshed tears, all the blue in it has bleached. I flail helplessly in the inky black waters, gasping and thrashing for life. I’m drowning, choking on memories which were once my saviour. My love for you is hurting me, killing me. And I can’t find my way back.
I can’t let go, can’t breathe. This pain is too real, too sweet.
And I’m already in too deep.
The last bit is inspired by the song- In Too Deep by Why Don’t We, which is a must hear song! Go check it out, also lemme know how you liked this story!