Posted in Stories and Poems

A Letter From Your Maths Teacher

Disclaimer: This post is meant for fun, I am in no way trying to hurt or offend any teachers out there. In my heart, I hold respect for all teachers and this post is just humour I tried my hand at, no offence intended to anyone.

Dear students……..bear with me πŸ™‚.

Considering 40 minutes with me per day take away the purpose of saying “good morning”, I wouldn’t bother doing it. It’s not like I do not know how you all wish some “creative” things to happen to me so that I’m unable to attend your class, but being the very generous person that I am, I will pretend that I do not know.

Oh, by the way, for your final exam next month, the paper is going to be super hard, despite that I will tell you otherwise. The questions that are supposedly important will not be there. And to break all stereotypes, I do not make the paper so hard because I’ve fought with my wife. The mere reason I do it is that I love torturing kids πŸ™‚.

Oh yeah, I’m not scared to admit it. You wanna know why I hate y’all so much, here’s why:

You think I don’t know how you make fun of me and my beloved subject 😀. You think I have no idea why you all giggle when I say “sec” theta in trigonometry πŸ™„. I mean, dirty minds do think alike after all, but still, it’s just a value! Get real kids, get rational (no pun intended)! Ha, see, I can joke too 😎.

Oh, by the way, do you seriously think I care about your silly “x”!? Cuz I freaking don’t. You think I’m an idiot that I refuse to answer your silly algebraic doubts by saying they are for “higher” classes, but actually, I’m just too lazy to answer them when they are so simple that I would not give them in the exam at all. In reality…


*Meanwhile in the background, the children snicker at the ignorance of the teacher who has no idea of the double meaning behind what he just said*

All I care about is teaching you the most terrifyingly hard questions and then giving those same terrifyingly hard questions multiplied 62-7+84-65-21+75-36-80+8-10 times in exams (Oh yeah, you need to do the Math here, everything won’t be given to you on a silver platter πŸ™‚), cuz I’m just doing this job to get money and I might as well gain some pleasure seeing y’all’s pretty little faces crying during exam time.

Oh, and just when you think that you have, by some miracle, got good marks in your test, this is what I will do.

See, who says I don’t have a heart πŸ˜„!?

Oh wait, that’s you, isn’t it πŸ™‚? You think I don’t have a heart, you are the ones who say I am cruel an–

Oh wait, my wife is calling me, I gotta go…

*2 minutes later*

Oh no, she seems to be in a foul mood…

*3 minutes later*

Oh no, looks like we are gonna fight!

*20 minutes later*

*To prevent the post from becoming PG-13, the editor of this post has carefully removed the subsequent amount of cursing that follows*

*An hour later*

*another curse* Ugh, I am so angry 😑. Why does she hate me so much!? I mean, the person who suggested the joke that plants grow “square roots” in Maths class was so not me, now was it πŸ™„!? Is that something to fight about? I’m oh-so angry, ugh! I need to let this anger out…what do I do, what do I do!?…

…Oh, I know just what to do 😏😈.

*The next day*

The children have been given the very pleasing news by their teacher that their Maths Paper has been made…and it is going to be as easy as…pie…

No. Pun. Intended.

Yours torturously,
Mr X,
Your Maths Teacher,
From Sincostan Land of Rational Pies.

A big thanks and credits to Akshita @ akshita1776 for the inspiration. She is a blogger with the most creative mind when it comes to irony and humour in her stories, this post is inspired by her post: A Letter from Algebra. An amazing read, you must not miss it out!!

That’s all. I hope you enjoyed this post, my little attempt at it 😁. Let me know all your thoughts and criticism. Thanks once again to Akshita for the inspiration!