I’ll Miss You

Those fights and cries make me smile.
Those smiles and laughs make me cry.

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Clean, little miss perfect that you are,
The house is spic and span.
Not one pen is out of place,
Not one item litters the rooms.
That’s when I notice:
Every object is shoved into my cupboard.

I dash into your room,
Desperate for revenge.
I ruin the perfectly made bed
And smile with satisfaction
At the look of anger on your face,
But a little unexpected guilt can be felt.

I wonder now as I look at the house:
It won’t remain so clean when you leave.
I wonder if I would feel elated
When I see the house devoid of its sickening tidiness,
Or if I would feel a sense of tidying it up myself
Just to make sure your essence still lingers.

You don’t like me sharing your bed,
Well, it’s not like I am a fan of it either.
I desperately want to sleep more comfortably
Alone, without you controlling the room’s temperature
Or constantly opening the light,
Indifferent to my indignant protests.

I realise now what an impact your long presence has had.
For years, we only get to see you after months.
But now as it’s a pandemic, we stay together for months.
And suddenly the heart warming idea of having my own bed
Sends shivers down my back,
When I think how much your reassuring presence next to me had meant.

As always you are on your phone right now
Quite oblivious to the fact that I am writing about you.
People marvel at the fact that you are my big sister,
I mean, there is a whole 13 year difference between our ages.
That’s the reason why you can buy me novels, you’re older,
But that’s also the reason why you usually stay apart.

You are a true beauty,
I love fighting with your pretty face.
That’s the time I can always say that “I Hate You”.
But what I hate is when we don’t talk for days.
It’s frustrating that in the end,
It’s always me who wants to be friends again.

I’ll miss you for sure
Now that we have stayed together for so long.
Every time I say that you are the worst person ever,
I know it’s not true.
Every time I swear that I won’t cry when you leave,
I weep harder.

And all of a sudden, I feel
That I could bare a  thousand chilling nights
Just to be able to sleep by your side.
One hug from you and I know I’ll have sweet dreams.
One “choooozaaa” from you is enough for the night
And I’ll try to ignore that you will be on your phone until 3 a.m.

Oh! How much I love you!
So much that it actually hurts.
So much that since as long as I can remember,
I’ve been making “Welcome Home Di” cards for you.
Something seems to be stuck in my eyes and I blink hard,
I frown at the person who makes me feel this way,
And all of a sudden, I feel better.

~Nehal

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